I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
- Beautiful, Christina Aguilera

Simplicity is real... and this is who I am.

Looking up at the word "vanity".

Vanity is the excessive pride in one's appearance or accomplishments.
Source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com

So that means, I am not vain. True, I am not. Seldom do I worry about what I look. Maybe I had been unmindful of what others perceive me. I am not that preety, yet often times being stolen a glance at. I am not a fan of make-ups, hair salons and spas. Yet, I take good care of myself. For me being fresh and clean at all times is enough. I am not against indulging oneself in a product that would make a person look good. In fact, I always familiarize myself with these products. I love anything that is beautiful. I admire the beauty of a person.

Well, maybe it would help to be a little vain. Sometimes being plain and simple is becoming a boredom. I believe that being beautiful had its advantages, though its not the only thing that matters. Being happy with what you have and loving yourself truly counts a lot.

loving him

(continuation...)

Knowing him, being with him had been exciting, challenging and heartbreaking. Often times I think about letting go, but it gave me reason to prove that what we have is really worth it. I remember the times when it had given me emotional turmoil, that I even regret knowing him.

I choose him over anything else and want to keep him with him. Yet, it never occured to me that he's the one for me. The thought of marrying never crossed my mind. Ironic. I had once wished to take care of what he already had, but then I realize that it weighs more than who I am. I found myself struggling to be his priority. Slowly, I had drifted. Resentment from what I had accepted.

A thought of having our own comes to my mind, thinking that it would change the situation. Life had given me what I had desired, but then I contemplated on what the future would bring. I knew the right thing to do. I would keep my angel as this person is the only one I have.

5 years ago I met the man whom I would share the rest of my life with. Our life is not a fairytale, it's the the type that would give you goosebumps. Amidst everything, we would keep this family. Praying that we would grow old together. Loving him is definitely a decision I had made.I had faced all the circumstances, all the pain that comes along with it. It would not stop here, there road is long, too many paths to take. I may not know how long we would stay. But I am happy for this love. A love not perfect, but real.

knowing him

He just turned 32. I met him 5 years ago. We we're working in the same company then. He was under the MIS department and I am in the QMS. I was turning 22 that time. While he was being a responsible man, I was in a relationship, with a man who loves me more than his life. The unexpected thing happened. Something that I had not dreamed about came into existence. I let go of my previous relationship and started a new one, this time, with him.

I knew then that I have love. It was then that I felt so much pain, so much hurt. Even realizing how stupid I am. The world could not understand me, but I believe they have their point. I am simply closing my eyes to what it really is. And I am blaming the world also. Life had been unfair for me. I wanted situations to be somewhat different, yet it could not be and it would never be. Times when I question love and what it really is. Times when I found myself why I had been in this situation. The answer was only, I choose to be in this road. It was then when I choose to accept him and what his past. It was never easy, nothing is ever easy. It was my tears who had made me strong. Believing that my plight matters, that eventually things would be as smooth as possible.

(i'll continue this tomorrow...)

that one desire I had

Dreaming and wishing is easy, whether you would achieve it or not is the question.

When I was young, I remember wishing and aspiring to study abroad. I remember dreaming about this when I was in high school. Perhaps I was influenced then by the Sweet Valley High pocketbooks I was always reading. Forward to the time when I was in college. I used to search the Internet and request for information to study abroad, searched for scholarships. When I graduated from college, I said perhaps a two-year course or Master's degree abroad would do fine. All this includes the possibiity of working while pursuing my studies. For 15 years, studying abroad always comes to my mind. I yearn to explore such possibilities... to experience living in another country on my own... to be independent... to go places and know more culture... to experience life more. But then, I realize it could not happen when I don't have the means. Well, maybe someday...I hope... or maybe, it was not for me.
And I guess it would be better if I would leave my aspirations here...

on being a mom

being a mother is the greatest fulfillment. it's the greatest thing that ever happened to me. have read this quote before, I just can't remember where.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother... never.
The mother is absolutely something new.

i wanna be rich

I am happy with what I have, thankful for the blessings. Yet, if I would have one wish right now, I would want to have abundance. I want to be rich. There, I wouldn't worry about money or the lack of it. I wouldn't fear the future. I wouldn't make a budget and succumb to making a debt if ever. I could be in places, buy whatever I want for me and my family, live in grandeur. Sometimes, I couldn't help but wonder why there are people who have huge amount of money and some really have to struggle.

They say money can't buy happiness. But others are not happy as they worry to much to survive their daily lives. I've witnessed how some people sell what they have and loan money just to have food for their family. And they feel that they would be happier if they would not worry about money. I've witnessed how the rich people spend too much and not worry about the lack of money. They could easy spend thousand bucks on one item. They could afford luxury. They are financially blessed, yet they too have their own problems.

Maybe I am not poor, but I am not rich either. Maybe I am still blessed, even if I am not lucky. I wouldn't be a hypocrite. Money worries me, sometimes it burdens me. Times when it fills my thoughts and I just felt saddened by such feelings. The future is what scares me. I grew up wth the comforts of life. These I want my family to have. Yet I realize that what I have isn't really enough. My happiness springs from my family and the love in my heart. I am at peace with people. Living is really hard, though. Still, if I could choose to be... I want to be rich.

don't fool me

true words for her:

that was such a perfectly nice-image that you put on. pretending all this time that you are the victim. couldn't you admit what you had done? you're so scared of letting people know your true bad side. admit that you have your share messing up. it all points to you- anonymous bitter text messages, foul emails, creating clone accounts. you are full of pretentiousness, even involving your friends... showing immaturity, deceiving. putting myself to blame.... making me look bad... releasing yourself from all these. and placing yourself up in the pedestal... that you are so envied! huh! dream over

i knew your reasons for befriending me. you are still bitter. you wanted to know me, my life and my past. you acted like you are sorry, that you had moved on, that you wanted to be friends. yet i am real. nothing concerns me. i stay in the i-don't care mode because that's simply what it is. you get what you deserve... you heard what you wanted to hear. from the very start i knew the true person in you. i won't be fooled. you could not be me, you could not do what i could do. and i am wasting my time now with all these craps.

my baby boy

@ 5 months

facing it all

water flows from the sea to the ocean, embracing the greatness of the waves. I wonder where the wind goes? what direction will it head? I wonder where my life will took me... now that I am not alone... now that I have great responsibilities in my hand. there's no turning back and I don't want to look back. facing it all with masked up courage and strength.

thoughts on old age

I realize now that my heart always goes for old people. I admire them for the wisdom they possess, the experiences they had, the struggles and pains, their willingness to fight. Maybe it's because my lolo is already on his late 80's. Days are numbered, and I always pray that he'll be more stronger. I thank him for taking take of us when we we're younger... remembering the years when he accompanies and fetch us to school, when he checks on our studies and grades, when he reminds us to eat too much. He had been a good "daddy" to us. We never call him lolo, we call him daddy until now. My kids now call him "daddy lolo".
We visited him last Sunday and I was thankful he's becoming healthier. Unlike before when he was so weak. I wonder how he feels. I wonder how he feels everyday. Yet, I know he's always looking forward to see his children, his grandchilden's and great grandchildrens.
Old folks are longing, they want to feel that they are still needed.

Being old fears me. Fears because of the sickness that I would have... fears of being weak, unworthy, that some people might think I am a burden. Fearing that I could not provide for the medications, of who would take care of me and my husband. I am just praying that my children would grow up to be good children and that they would have partners with a good heart.

money talk

Have taken time to read very interesting articles on the richness and wealth of some people.

The Hottest Billionaire Heiresses
http://biz.yahoo.com/special/luxury080306_article3.html

Best Places to Live 2006

The top spot belongs to Fort Collins, Colorado. Great schools, low crime, good jobs in a high-tech economy and a fantastic outdoor life make Fort Collins the No. 1 best place to live.
http://biz.yahoo.com/special/besttowns06.html

Most Expensive Homes in the U.S. 2006

These are the most expensive residences in the country, with prices so astronomical that only a very small handful of very wealthy people could even dream about owning them.
http://biz.yahoo.com/special/expensivehome06_article1.html
http://www.forbes.com/2006/05/19/cx_sc_0522homeslide.html?thisSpeed=15000&partner=yahoo

The World's Billionaires 2006

Bill Gates retains his title as the world's richest person for the twelfth straight year.
http://biz.yahoo.com/special/bill06_article1.html

priceless treasures

When will I earn enough and spend on the things that I so wanted to have for me and my family? Will there be a time when financial worries would leave? In years time, I would be sending my kids to school... hoping that by that time I would be able to provide them with what is best, and not just settle for less.
There's so many things I yearn to have. Material things that I know would help us, some needed and some would just bring happiness. Dreams of a greater life and of going to places with my family. Will I ever achieve such dreams or leave it now before I worry too much.
True, money is not only the source of happiness. But then, you need it to keep on living, make your family live and have a better life. And there are a lot of people complain and fight over it. Still I am blessed. I have a family of my own. I have kids that bring me so much happiness. My treasures are Priceless...