I knew what I've got isn't enough... making it harder to live.
Mind is beng pre occupied with the unfairness of life.
Maybe I'm not just lucky. Maybe I'm just scared.
I am tasting the reality of what life and living should be.
Dreaming is easy. Living the dream is different.
My spirit is discouraged. Hope seems to be out of sight.
My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side
-Always on Your Side, Sheryl Crow
Once again I heard from Michelle. All these time she was thinking of me and again disturbed my peaceful mode. I don't know what she wanted this time.
And I told her these words:
I should be throwing back at you all those text messages, emails and friendster messages I continuously received from you. I should be slapping you with hurtful words for all those accusations you had pointed at me. But did I ever did that to you? No. Because all this time I choose to let it all pass. I don't want to waste my time on you, you're never ending accusations, and you're senseless words.
I was not hurt and I am not bitter. I am happy hearing you and "your so-called words". As what everyone had told me, I should be delighted that you had been accustomed to making use of the words I had used...claiming and expressing it your way.
Tell yourself to stop from doing all these things. It is only then that you and your family would be at peace.
Again, I heard how she uses the words I had thrown at her. Thus, it made me say that she should save all my messages as she could use it in the future. I had too much of her. I had chosen this time to reply to her text messages to put an end. I hope she would stop blaming me for what is happening to her and her family. I don't care what's going on in their lives. I knew from the very start how she despises me. In one of her text message, she admitted that she was indeed bitter because she was jealous. Well then, that sums it up. In my case, I have nothing to think about... I have nothing to lose.
Being true... a yearning. sometimes small words spoken could gives my spirit a lift... sincere flattery brings a different feeling. Looking into the mirror, my eyes are glowing and my lips are smiling. Sometimes, it really helps to be admired... though this is passing, it would eventually fade out.
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Attended Elmer and Lorna's wedding yesterday at the Our Lady of Grace Church... met some of my husband's officemate.
It was Kimo's interment yesterday at Taytay Catholic Cemetery. His family, relatives and friends were there. My mom, sis and me joined in walking from the church to the cemetery. A tear fell when we stopped at the studio where he worked together with his dad. It had been a very emotional moment to the family.
Nakakalungkot nung nalaman ko na wala ka na. Pero sa kabilang banda, alam ko na mas masaya ka dyan ngayon. Wala ka nang problema, wala nang tampo at wala ka nang iisipin pa. Marami ang nagmamahal sa'yo. Salamat sa mga panahon na nakasama ka namin. Kahit nagkikita lang tayo tuwing may okasyon, naging importante ka sa pamilya namin. Ngayon, wala ka na. Hindi ka na namin makikita pag may okasyon sa pamilya. Matagal pa bago tayo muling magkita. Ginawan kita ng memorial site at napakarami na ang bumisita sayo dun. Sana nabasa mo lahat ng messages para sayo. Alam ko nakikita mo kami. Lagi ka naming ipagdarasal. Hindi ka namin makakalimutan. Paalam.
It is so hard to accept that he passed away at a very young age. But then, God has a better plan for him. And I know that he is in a better place now. I would surely miss my dear cousin.
